Peace

Six years ago, I made a very determined decision to leave my home and come to Beijing. Six years passed, and I made a much more determined decision to leave Beijing and go back home. To all those who think it is a wrong thing to do, I appreciate all your suggestions. To all who think I am a loser, I understand where you are coming from. To all who understood me and supported me, I appreciate all you support and I am really thankful.

I just want to say it has been a very rough time. It is not something that got out of my panic attack. It is something that I have thought about in the past few years, but have not the courage and determination to face. And now I finally have prepared myself to go on and bring it up. It is a heart-breaking moment for all those who have expectations of me, especially my parents and myself. The strength I have to gather in order to stay calm enough to talk to my family and explain to them and make them understand is tremendous. It is not easy. But I know inside me that it is the right thing to do. So let me make peace with myself.

Maybe one day, I may be proved wrong. Maybe someday, what you all think is going to come true. I might be better off if I haven't decided to do what I do now. But at least I will not regret when I look back at what I did. I have already made the best decision my little brain can afford. And that is what makes this my life -- the choices that I make. And I am not living the life my parents or my relatives expect of me. It is a life entirely mine.

To those that really mattered to me, I understand your concerns. I know it looked all wrong from your points of view. I know you all think I am too emotional and I am weak. But I am the strongest I have been in years. All the strength and courage I used to tell my parents and to face the world. I am even prepared to deal with the "see-what-i've-told-you" things you are going to say if you are proved right. So let me do this and support me. I have never felt "right-er" in my life. It is decided upon, no way back. As I said, now I am really at peace with myself. So let it be what it is meant to be. Thank you...

God bless me...