Peace

Six years ago, I made a very determined decision to leave my home and come to Beijing. Six years passed, and I made a much more determined decision to leave Beijing and go back home. To all those who think it is a wrong thing to do, I appreciate all your suggestions. To all who think I am a loser, I understand where you are coming from. To all who understood me and supported me, I appreciate all you support and I am really thankful.

I just want to say it has been a very rough time. It is not something that got out of my panic attack. It is something that I have thought about in the past few years, but have not the courage and determination to face. And now I finally have prepared myself to go on and bring it up. It is a heart-breaking moment for all those who have expectations of me, especially my parents and myself. The strength I have to gather in order to stay calm enough to talk to my family and explain to them and make them understand is tremendous. It is not easy. But I know inside me that it is the right thing to do. So let me make peace with myself.

Maybe one day, I may be proved wrong. Maybe someday, what you all think is going to come true. I might be better off if I haven't decided to do what I do now. But at least I will not regret when I look back at what I did. I have already made the best decision my little brain can afford. And that is what makes this my life -- the choices that I make. And I am not living the life my parents or my relatives expect of me. It is a life entirely mine.

To those that really mattered to me, I understand your concerns. I know it looked all wrong from your points of view. I know you all think I am too emotional and I am weak. But I am the strongest I have been in years. All the strength and courage I used to tell my parents and to face the world. I am even prepared to deal with the "see-what-i've-told-you" things you are going to say if you are proved right. So let me do this and support me. I have never felt "right-er" in my life. It is decided upon, no way back. As I said, now I am really at peace with myself. So let it be what it is meant to be. Thank you...

God bless me...

zub...

saw this note at lush the other night... says "zub" is closing down... only been to that place once and that was really a long time ago but i still remember a lot from that one time... the picture is unusually clear to me... feels a little sad about this little place (so weird cuz i dont even remember this place before i saw this)...

air-con turned fridge...

at around nine something tonight, i came back from lawrence's room to find a loud roaring noise inside my own room... i opened the door and i heard the noise coming from the air-con... so i opened the air-lid and this is what i found... my air-con turned into a fridge... there's ice all over the dust filter and the when i pulled one filter out of its slot, everything underneath is covered with ice too... seems like my air-con likes to be a fridge freezer more than an air-con tonight...


above is a close-up of the ice... and below is me with the frosted dust filter...


and now even though the ice melted and i replaced everything, the air-con wont work... i need to sleep without it... and then i can't straighten my legs on my bed because water is dripping from it at one end of my bed... i put buckets and towels there so the water won't go anywhere else... hm... hellish ordeal...

and thanks to lawrence for not panicking and helping deal with the whole thing... my bed will be swamped if not for u.... thanks...

想告訴你我的所有...

聽著許哲佩的新歌"德國下雪了"... 那歌詞真的是浪漫... 訴說著兩個人暫時分開,男的要去旅行,承諾會為女的帶來最感動的驚喜... 就在德國下著雪的一天,男的用攝錄機拍下了最美的雪景,帶回去和女的分享... 就像是要把自己經歷的,變成一種共同的經歷... 聽著聽著,感同身受得有點想掉眼淚...

雖然跟你不是短暫的分開,而是一種沒有限期的分開,可是我還是想要把我所經歷的一切,與你一起分享... 就算是最微不足道的事,也想你知道,也想你能感受到我所感受的... 所以,最近除了日常的"新聞報導",我還養成了隨時拍照的習慣... 無論吃飯或逛街,有趣的事情通通都想拍下來讓你看... 讓你知道,讓你和我一同經歷...

很努力的想把我的所有經歷告訴你,照片,電話,我一點都不吝嗇... 希望你都能領略到,我有多麼想念有你在身邊的感覺...

zuzu #2

i was playing with my camera phone today and i found out these funny frames i can use on my pictures... so i took this hilarious and meaningful but somewhat weird and disturbing picture of my zuzu... the meaning of the picture is to illustrate who i am -- a piggie personality under a rabbity appearance... but the picture looks really disturbing... hope im not as disturbing and weird as the picture...

long day...

5/17/2007

quite a long day... woke up at 8 sth, took a shower and then went off to class... rushed home to make changes to the format... lunch with lawrence while watching "friends"... and managed to finish the assignment before it was too late... then went to dinner with juan juan at the dining hall... took our little round-campus walk afterwards and decided to go try the "ma la tang" at the "little white house"...

then went home and hung out with the guys... watched the aaron kwok and leehom wang movie... made a "feces cake" (jell-o no bake chocolate mousse cake) and watched an ancient chinese "horrow/kung-fu" movie with those qing dynasty zombies... played cards and won... played chinese checkers and won too...

before long we all got hungry and so decided to go out for a late night snack at lush... it was already 2 am but its better to be sleepy than starving... ate yummy pancakes and drank the first bottle of bacardi breezer in a long while... then off to snooker and left at around 5am... after the shower, america's next top model finished downloading and so watched it before i slept... when i was on my bed, it was already 6am... so i've been awake for 22 hours and so i can definitely call it a long day...

pictures:

the aforementioned "feces cake"

dawn at wudaokou station

looking out of the snooker place window

sunrise looked so nice but i guess its not healthy that i stayed up so late... colors of the sky looked brilliant doesnt compensate for the lack of sleep... hm... therefore should go to sleep now...

the holiday

watched a movie called "the holiday" today... romantic comedy by nancy meyer, so i expected it to be quite good... loved the british countryside scenery, loved kate winslet, loved the sexy british accent... but the story and the other actors, not at all...

i really like kate winslet... i don't know how she managed to be so graceful and poised being curvy and healthy-looking in an industry filled with stick-insects... my heart really came out to her during the scene when her lover announced the engagement...

cameron diaz is cute and charming but very not convincing as a successful business woman who can't cry... and why is jack black a romantic good guy in the movie? i thought he's so awkward trying to be not funny...

totally changed my opinion of jude law though... thought him to be ugly, "oily" and too "i-know-im-sexy"... but after the film, he's actually not that ugly... even a little charming when he puts a napkin on his face and do that "mr. napkin head" joke... well, maybe that's because he has a napkin over his face, haha...


well, whatever... am too bored... tomorrow gotta make my jell-o no bake chocolate cake but i need to find those tinfoil trays or muffin paper cups first... anyone knows where to find those?